Evolving.

Past experiences might tend to make a person question every friendship or relationship that might come their way. Sometimes, people are so stripped of their emotions that it may seem like they have nothing to give. But isn’t life all about fighting, loving and giving? Trust me, I’ve felt that all this giving has gotten me nowhere; that I had been giving all this love, courage and strength to the world but don’t get anything out of it.

Maturity is when you learn to give without expectations. Love is such a pure emotion that should be felt with confidence and never any doubt. Expectation is a monster that finds ways to lessen the love you have to give.

To learn from the life you live that sharing, loving and caring, giving into connections without looking for any profit or loss from it is something rare to find in a person and is worth developing within yourself. Loving yourself fiercely enough to have a lot of that same love left for other people without them having to owe you anything is beautiful.

I can’t seem to love people for last times. You never stop feeling certain ways about certain people, whether it is respect, admiration or love. You only grow to forget your feelings over time and grow strong enough to not remind yourself of it or sometimes, just  realize how much you’ve learnt from it. Experiences let you build strength in your character. How you chose to let events affect you, how you let people lessen the love you have to give, how you beat yourself up so much for having wasted time and effort on relationships that didn’t last.

It is important to realize that even if it didn’t last or work out the way you wanted it to, you have so much left to learn from it.

I used to think that being selfless; being protective, kind and loving to those they care for makes one warm but  it is much more than that. It is realizing and value the love you receive and love further beyond; beyond your guard; past all the sad, sorrowful, broken feelings that love has made you feel in the past.

We must all evolve from our past experiences and so we shall. x

 

 

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Feeling free.

Our whole lives we spend interacting with people. I personally think that people are amazing; so different from each other in hearts and minds. These interactions are necessary for us to realize that about each other; our differences, similarities and grow to respect and show love towards each other. What I’ve been failing to do and what most people don’t realize until it’s too late is the fact that we hardly ever interact with ourselves, our own minds and our own hearts. When we start getting too busy with our lives, the few moments we get to spend by ourselves are often incidental and are moments we try to avoid.

If the lack of people constantly surrounding you, making you feel good and checking up on you pushes you to feel lonely, you’re doing something wrong. Sourcing happiness and self worth off of other people is something you should never do. All the love that is shown towards you will be of no value to you if you do not like yourself and all the hate coming your way will take center stage.

Never try to fit in. When you consciously try so hard change the way you are to be a part of a community that will never understand you, you’re putting all that energy into being someone you’re not and suppress a spectrum of thoughts, ideas and style that is so unique to you.

Don’t look for validation in the wrong people. Asking yourself to not ever seek validation is something that is very unrealistic, in my opinion. Waiting around for people who do not understand what you’re about to validate your efforts is also unrealistic. You are going to want to be recognized for your effort. And that kind of recognition coming from people who respect and understand you, will find you. It isn’t something you go looking for.

When you start looking at things for what they are and what they could be instead of looking for them, you find so much beauty within yourself and everything that surrounds you. We’re so constantly in search for people who can fix us, fix our problems for us and maybe complete us. Someone who complements you is going to recognize you. Trying to find someone to complete you isn’t the goal; that is something you should be by yourself.

What does it mean to feel free ? Free of the pressure to conform, free to love and respect  yourself for who you are, free to act on your thoughts and feelings, free to express your style, free to fill your head and heart with positivity.

Feeling free is something you choose to feel. The things that help you feel free aren’t always things that are handed to you. There’s always  a struggle, but the struggle to set yourself free from influences that keep you down is worth it. The struggle to go out there and claim what is yours is worth it. If the lack of confidence is what’s keeping you from doing that, then build it. The goal is to build yourself in a way that lets you do everything in life with confidence.

Waiting around for something or someone to set you free means that you’ve chosen to put your life in the hands of someone else when you have the ability to set yourself free from the head space you’ve locked yourself into.

 

Feeling good.

Happiness is an emotion that we all struggle to find and feel. Self love content is all over social media and the bottom line to all the content I reviewed was to be yourself in order to be happy. Sounds too easy. One thing to check off your list to find all that happiness.

With social media in the mix, we all know how hard it is to not play pretend, to not follow up with trends, to stay true to who you are and not try and be like someone else. In the end we are all guilty of being inspired by what we take notice of. That’s the thing about social media, it gives you the choice of what to take notice of, of  what to be inspired by.  That’s all on you.

How do you go ahead with being yourself when being yourself means that you shift away from the frame ?  This frame that feeds you how not to think, what not to do, what not to wear and what’s not right. Why do we label ourselves as ‘weird’ if we do not match on ideas and interests with the common collective. What is ‘basic’ and what is ‘cool’ ? What are these labels we categorize our own sense of style into ?

Labels, however, do give it to you straight. Nice little boxes to categorize spectrum of thought and emotion.

The fear of getting labelled is what keeps up from truly exploring our minds, our interests, our style and our bodies. Building yourself and knowing yourself as an individual will cost you time, people and places which is totally worth your effort.

We often don’t embrace ourselves, our creativity and our style just because it takes lesser effort to not have to explain yourself to people and to not be criticized for it.

If your excuse to not be honest and bold with your lifestyle is the fact that you’re insecure, then work on it. I’ve always believed that every aspect of your personality can be built and most definitely be worked on.

Know that anyone who criticizes you for being ‘different’ isn’t ready to accept or acknowledge you. Some might want to know and understand where you’re coming from and others might simply refuse to acknowledge the differences and learn of it. You can’t find acceptance in other people if you can’t find it in yourself.

Happiness does exist within yourself. The more you express yourself, the faster you start to realize what truly makes you feel good and lesser the fucks you find to give.

 

 

 

Not man enough.

 

There is an expectation of manhood, just like there is an expectation of womanhood; which is much more talked about. I’ve been wanting to write a post on body positivity and whilst doing my research all I could find were media that were mostly women-centric. I’ve never really put much thought into how it must be like for men to not be able to fit into this specific spectrum telling you what it is that defines your masculinity.

Not being man enough. Not being tall enough, fit enough, assertive enough, rugged enough or tough enough. What is expected of you ? To validate you as a man ? To be able to define yourself the way you are expected to ? Be tall, be assertive, grow facial hair, build muscle, try and match up with body images that represent the highest level of fitness there is, dress down, play it low. That’s all we hear. In and out. That’s all that’s going to propagate.

We’re all brought down by style standards every other day, every other year. What is hip, what isn’t ? Do you feel bad for the genes that gave you close to no facial hair or do you not ? Growing up, society’s standards let you know what is cool. Lets you know that growing facial hair and not having a lanky frame is cool. But what about your comfort? What if you don’t want that look, what if you don’t want to lift ?

What you want for yourself should be top priority. If sitting cross legged, going overboard with hand gestures, wearing pink and painting your nails makes you feel good, do it. If things that are considered to be unmanly are the things you want to try out, do it. If you fall outside or are stuck in the middle of a beard-idolizing, restrictive-style and perfect-body imposing shit show of a spectrum, it’s alright. Do what is right for you.

What is cool ? But more importantly, what is cool to you ?

Pieces of clothing and colours don’t have genders. Actions don’t have genders and neither does body language. Act freely. Acting freely doesn’t make you any less of a man or more like a girl. It’s not going to turn you into anything except for what you are.

Be lanky, be shy, be short, wear patterned silk t-shirts, don’t grow a beard, be as farther away from the spectrum as possible and still own your manhood. Because these standards, expectations and labels aren’t going anywhere. They are here to stay and propagate.

It’s all on you to master the art of not giving a fuck.

 

 

 

Concept : Beyond Appearances

Films allow us to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes and to truly empathize with, know different perspectives and point of views of people in places we’ve never been to before, from cultures we’ve never seen or experienced before,  speaking languages we’ve never heard of or spoken before. It may seem like I’m glorifying film a little too much. There is justification to the glorification. Depends on the films you choose to watch and understand more of life from; second to living it.

This one concept I’ve come across in various forms of media is one where we humans, as a single person (mind and body), didn’t exist. Instead, we were just entities. Waking up in different bodies everyday, though the soul remains the same. Our preferences remain the same; mind and it’s working is constant. It’s just the appearance that changes on the daily.

This concept of finding and expressing love by understanding the complexities of life in a world where appearances do not matter truly fascinates me.

We’ve all grown up on “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” and found it metaphoric until we’ve learned and verified it for a fact after experiencing it ourselves. The first time I watched Wall-E is when I started to wonder. If a shiny ass heavily upgraded and advanced robot is capable of loving a trash collecting worn out piece of metal, I too could be far less judgmental and insecure concerning my own preferences in life and can truly find and experience connections that are based off of something way past anything as superficial as appearances.

Here’s three pieces of media that have helped me see differently concerning this idea :

Book// Everyday by David Levithan :

David Levithan is probably one of my most favourite contemporary authors out there. The way he explores topics of love and the complexities of daily life is so fascinating and  relatable. In this book, he tells the story of an Entity A, a spirit with a mind of its own, feeling and memories of its own shifting bodies but is in love with the same person irrespective of  the switches. This was such a heartwarming read which pushes you to wonder and relate to your circumstance.

Film // The Beauty Inside (2015) :

This one was a rare and random find. A Korean film that says a story similar to that of Levithan’s book. I loved how they were able to translate this vision into such a well put together story line.

Series// Netflix’s Sense8 :

I only recently got around to watching Sense8 and I have to say, this show is visionary. This show brought a lot of things into perspective, showed different views of fear, love, desire and dreams of people vastly different from each other. The show also made me realize that distance is something that divides us but in the age of the internet, unity is so easily found and built.

 

I’ve learned to love, to wonder and to expand my creativity and knowledge of things, places and people who are far out of my physical reach through media; second to living through good times and bad.

Find inspiration to be a better person. Doesn’t matter who or what you owe it to or where you source it from. Learn everyday.  Should’t matter if you’ve validated yourself as a good person. Try harder. There’s always going to be more room for improvement.

 

 

Happy Watching ! Xx

 

 

 

Concept : What’s your type ?

We have been brought up to believe that what meets the eye at first sight might result in the kind of love that would last a lifetime. I’ve felt something similar, but I’m pretty convinced that it was what the millennials refer to as thirst.  I’ve always felt that we often tend to restrict ourselves when it comes to the subject of friendship and love. I’d like to discuss the less talked of aspects rather than things like sexual orientation, religion and race. We tend to also restrict on lines of appearance, style, and language. What truly is someone’s ‘type’?

I’ve thought of it this way previously as well. Sit down. Make a list. Light eyes, curly hair, preferably tall with a decent sense of style. Having preferences for certain types of people isn’t a bad thing but it definitely is very limiting. When you list down stuff and tell yourself this is what you like- and this is what you don’t like-, you’re limiting yourself. You’re eliminating an entire group of diverse people just because they do not match with what your idea of ‘your type’ is.

Lists like that are pointless. When you are into someone, you just are. That might lead you to have a mental battle since most times the person you’re into might not be nearly similar to the person you’d have liked to fall in love with.

What your style is, which artists you listen to, your interests and what your thoughts are on subjects that interest you, it’s stuff like this; When it comes to relating on these things on the same level with people who are on the same level as you are, there’s that validation. You end up labeling people based on tastes rather than trying to understand and relate to what they’ve seen and perceived of the world. It’s always good to hear people out, educate them, learn from them. To have the curiosity and willingness to learn more is truly a gift and restricting yourself to a specific group of people to share ideas and thoughts that are similar to your own is way too limiting.

Try not to have a type. Try reaching out to as many people as possible even though you might assume from their appearance, sense of style or the language they speak that they might not even begin to make sense to you. When you let go of what you’ve been taught to like and evaluate what you truly like and what makes you feel happy, you’d learn how to appreciate the little things that makes us all so different and find beauty in every single person you meet.

The moment we look at each other, Liszt’s Liebestraum starts playing in my head and he probably has Kendrick’s LOVE playing in his and for all I know he might not have the slightest idea of classical music.

What’s your style? Who do you listen to? Well, who the fuck cares as long as the feeling is mutual. 

Mental Illness in Film : I

Mental illness of any kind is a misunderstood subject. We tend to be impervious to it until we’re faced with it but that doesn’t have to stop us from educating ourselves about it, try to empathize and not be so ignorant about it.

I had never put much thought into how it must feel to be faced with mental illness until my cousin was diagnosed with autism. Like I said, you tend to be ignorant about it until you start experiencing situations where you find yourself unable to deal with it, unable to be there to support because you don’t know how to. I sat myself down, did all the medical research, sorted out all the how to’s, found forums and the entire deal like anyone else would do. It look years of effort, learning from experiences and constant self evaluation to truly be there for her.

  • Never feel embarrassed. I was much younger back then and constantly felt second hand embarrassment. Of what. Of someone’s inability to socialize the way I do, Of someone who was autistic, Of someone who didn’t choose to be disabled.
  • Don’t be sorry. Never be sorry for the way they act out in public. The way that they are isn’t a reason to feel sorry about. Help them live through it, or don’t. Always know that they’re doing what is natural to them.

The way I get myself to see life through different viewpoints is through film. Here’s a list of three films that really helped me see how important it is to be supportive and just how much of a difference it makes.

The Black Balloon (2008)

This is one of the most overlooked, underrated films I’ve ever come across. It tells the story of the sibling of an autistic child which helped me relate to it on a whole new level. The film explores this theme with such compassionate and strong characters who go through phases of denial and acceptance.

Infinitely Polar Bear (2015)

Growing up in India, I’ve had close to no encounters with bipolar disorder except for foreign media. Entirely powered by Mark Ruffalo’s acting, this film gives us happy as well as frightening episodes of being bipolar.

What’s Eating Gilbert Grape (1993)

One of the most impactful, sentimental films I’ve seen about total misfits working their way through life when all they have is each other. Johnny Depp’s role as a long suffering hero who keeps his family together is inspirational. It was a delight to see DiCaprio playing his disabled brother. I can only imagine the character studies that went into the making of this film.

Being there for someone is a huge deal. It will seem like a task rather than instinct if you think it to be.

Compassion might not vastly be present within all of us, but like every other aspect of our personality, it can be worked on, developed.  True heroes are those people who day by day must tend to misfits and choose to continue with it.

Happy Watching ! Xx

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LGBTQ+ in Film : I

Growing up in India, I had had close to no exposure to gay content in media of any sort. In these times, with the internet, you find quality content if you look for it. In this post, I’d like to share a list of films that really helped me gain perspective on the gay community.

It shouldn’t matter what circumstances you’ve grown under or what you’ve been taught to think about people who aren’t the same as you are. No matter what your sexuality is, it is necessary to educate yourself, acknowledge and be accepting of each other’s preferences. It’s true that you might not understand where the other person comes from, what they’re about or what it’s like to be them. That’s what media is for. To help educate you, to help you empathize with different characters and in the end help direct your perspective in the right way.

 

1.The Normal Heart (2014 HBO)

This is by far one of the best films I’ve ever seen. With such powerful performances by the cast and a storyline based on true events, the film explores elements of love, acceptance, fear and hate within and against the gay community.

2.Happy Together (1997)

Another film by one of my favourite directors of all time, Wong Kar-Wai, Happy Together  is truly a beautiful and satisfying watch that follows two men who love each other yet can’t tolerate each other. The chaos and love that exists in their relationship makes it very relatable and relevant to you just like all his other films. The flow of time, again, is made visual.

3.Jongens (2014 TV Film)

This is a coming of age film that explores the theme of self acceptance. More than the character having to come out of the closet to feel accepted, this film shows how hesitant and confused one can feel when it comes to accepting and figuring out one’s sexuality.

Mentions :

Hoje Eu Quero Voltar Sozinho (2014)

Brokeback Mountain (2005)

Prayers For Bobby (2009)

North Sea Texas (2011)

 

You being a part of a community or not does not have anything to do with the love and respect you have for them. Age, race and sexuality shouldn’t matter when it comes to showing love, gratitude and respect. Nothing has to be taboo if you really think about it. It’s all one big loving, kinky world.

Different strokes for different folks.

Happy Watching ! Xx

Cinéma : Wong Kar-Wai

First I heard of Wong Kar-Wai was through a couple of scenes circulating over Instagram from one of his well known works, Chungking Express (1994). Before I did any further research on his work, I decided to watch his filmography by their release dates. And trust me these films are some of the most visually unique pieces of film I’ve ever seen. The colour palettes in each of his films are vastly different from each other and somehow help in setting the perfect tone and the mood for the film.

All his films portray elements that are reminiscent of the past and capture feelings of emptiness, nostalgia and sense of time. Characters from his films are highly realistic, don’t particularly have a good or bad side to them and act on instinct and this I found to be very relateable. There’s a strong sense of melancholy and vagueness in all his films, be it Happy Together where you would’ve wanted Tony Leung’s character to have a happier and clearer ending or in In The Mood For love where the element of forbidden love kept your otp from having a happy ending. You end up gaining wisdom and also experience viewpoints of different characters and can’t help but empathize and justify their actions as you would probably act out the same way as they did. You can’t always get what you want is sort of a baseline to all his films.

However, despite all the melodrama, as the credits roll by you can’t help but feel content and that that’s the way it should’ve ended or that the characters weren’t meant to be. I love how he has explored different professions set in the background of Hong Kong. That really give you a bright lights, big city vibe to the entire film. Neon signage and florescent lighting have been used too beautifully to represent the loneliness of the night. As Tears Go By and Chungking Express showcase the sense of loneliness one can feel despite the busy street life. The characters’ thoughts and words seem to resonate with emotions we feel everyday. Seeing these emotions being portrayed so artistically makes your heart feel content.

The soundtracks to the films are one of its best aspects. Faye Wong’s character in Chungking Express is stays connected to her dreams and lives in a world of her own by listening to the same track over and over again on speaker and in Fallen Angels the track at the end of the film, brings all the emotions together and hits you. For someone who finds connection to things and finds head space through music, these films really worked on that bit in capturing the happiness that concludes it.

As someone who went by the release dates, I wouldn’t really recommend that you’d go on a binge watch with these as you need to take your time with each of them to truly appreciate the artistic excellence of these films.

Chungking Express (1994)

Happy Together (1997)

As Tears Go By (1988)

Fallen Angels (1995)

Days Of Being Wild – In The Mood For Love – 2046 (This is a loose trilogy, however In The Mood For love in itself is a great first watch)

His films aren’t that hard to find. You can find links on Youtube even.  Links below !

Happy Watching ! Xx

Chungking Express

Fallen Angels

In The Mood For Love